i’m a bloke i’m a man i’m a massive lad so masculine it’s like I’ve got two dads brute strength real hench don’t misconstrue tough skin rough chin I’m a big buff dude and I’m tough too y’all understand Got a 20 year mortgage i own land my home is my castle my home is my hearth I’m a man: I take showers not baths are you having a laugh? I take pride in my ride I keep in safe in the garage never parked outside clean it each week with soap and a sponge but the real treat’s saved for the end of the month I don’t go with my chums i spend time with myself drive out to the retail park in my alf- a romeo, it’s a routine that’s gotta be kept an appointment me and my juliets i mean plural yes now I’m teasing you So i’ll kiss and tell I’m in B&Q that’s a hardware store for the public and trade I arrive at nine and I spend the day When i’m there I stay in a specific section got a wide selection a vast collection I’m a man, just wanted to be sure to mention so much power giving me an erection Cos I love tools! So i’m in the aisle of tools chainsaws, leafblowers making me drool I love tools so much I might buy a van and start a new life as a handyman I love tools So i’m in the aisle of tools Anything with a blade’s automatically cool I love tools! This is my heaven I gotta license to drill like 007 This is not a drill it’s a circular saw cut planks into pieces put holes in the floor just press a little button hear the pretty thing roar cos This is not a drill it’s a circular saw This is not a drill it’s an angle grinder when you see sparks fly it’s a nice reminder this one’s swish cos it’s tipped with diamonds This is not a drill it’s an angle grinder This is not a drill it’s a hedge trimmer take it to out the garden make the hedge thinner shave it all down like yul brynner cos This is not a drill it’s a hedge trimmer this is not a drill it’s a cordless drill, put it to the wall let sawdust spill spin like hurricanes hitting dutch mills cos This is not a drill, it’s a cordless drill I want power in the palm of my hand like all men I want a thing with the maxed out rpm batteries/plugged in/ doesn’t matter the volts love a black and decker john deere even dewalt I love to buy i love to browse i love to take it home and get to work in my house addicted to perusing - always want more looking at the top shelf like DIY Porn Cos I love tools So i’m in the aisle of tools I salivate til my shirt’s all covered in drool I love tools! Since I was a kid i adored I used a hacksaw to cut off my umbilical cord I love tools! So i’m in the aisle of tools some of them are sharp so you gotta follow the rules I love tools! And if you wanna guess why It’s cos my chromosomes are XY

Egypt Pharaoh Queen called Cleo Renault Clio I'm a Leo

HARD TO RHYME ABOUT A FLICK THAT YOU AINT EVER SEEEN I MUCH PREFER THE GREAT ESCAPE WITH STEVE Mc BLOODY QUEEN IT’S NOT THE AVIATOR WITH LEO AS HOWARD HUGHES ITS’ GOT EMOTION, IT’S GOT POISE BUT IT DIDN’T MAKE THE NEWS I’LL WATCHI IT ONE DAY IN THE FUTURE WATCH THAT MOVIE LATER AND THEN I’LL RIGHT A REAL RAP BOUT FLIGHT OF THE NAVIGATOR FLY MY PRETTIES

RELATIONSHIP’S A FICKLE BEAST TO SAY THE LEAST SOMETIME’S YOUR LADY IS FAR FROM PLEASED CHEESED OFF YOU COULD SAY TURNING TO BRIE SO SHE TURNS TO ME AND THEN I CAN SEE SHE’S IN ONE OF THOSE MOODS YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TALKIN BOUT DUDES WHAT DID I DO WRONG LEAVE THE SEAT ON THE LOO UP AND NOT DOWN PROVOKING THE FROWNS OR NOT TIDY THE LOUNGE WHEN HER FRIENDS CAME ROUND EITHER WAY OR SOMETHING ELSE I KNOW IT CAN’T BE HELPED NO NOOKIE FOR ME I GOTTA SLEEP BY MYSELF SO I HEAD TO THE COUCH HOPING THAT I’M ALLOWED HOPING THAT SHE’LL VOUCH HOPING THAT I CAN SLOUCH UPON THE SURFACE, NAPPING WITH THE CUSHIONS AND THROWS NESTLEING AMONGST THE BLANKETS HEAD UPON THE PILLOWS BUT I SPY FROM MY EYE SHE A FACE LIKE THUNDER SO I PULL OUT THE COUCH AND I’M BURROWING UNDER WITH THE DUST BUNNIES LOST PENNIES ALL OF THE FLUFF OLD REMOTE BATTERIES FORGOTTEN STUFF STILL I SUPPOSE IT’S BETTER THAN SLEEPING ROUGH GOTTA A WHOLE 5 FOOT BUT IT’S NEVER ENOUGH I’M UNDER UNDER THE SOFA I’M UNDER THERE I’M UNDER UNDER THE SOFA COS SHE DON’T CARE WHAT A GUY DO WRONG I AIN’T AWARE I GOT A BED KING SIZE LOGN BUT I’M NOT IN THERE THE NEXT DAY I AWAKE AND I RUB MY EYES I TURN TO MY RIGHT AND TO MY SURPRISE WHO’S THAT RIGHT BY ME WHO’S BESIDE IT’S MY LOVERLY LOVER IT’S MY SOON TO BE BRIDE SHE OFFERS HER LIPS TO APOLOGISE AS SHE SLIPS HER HAND DOWN BTWEEN MY THIGHS I SMILE I CRY AS I QUICKLY ARRIVE AND I CUM UNDER THE SOFA WHERE THE JIZZ CAN HIDE